On the best hip-hop emcees

I can hardly claim myself an expert on anything other than self-loathing, but recently hip-hop has become a necessity for me. I've been scouring websites and forums in search of new stuff to listen to, perhaps because the art form is so impressive in so many ways. It's easily the most literate and poetic of all music, and it takes an incredible amount of skill to be even remotely good at. The musicianship behind the production also requires a lot of talent. I don't know what took so long to spark this interest; perhaps I was retarded. Nonetheless, here's a list of who I consider the greatest contemporary artists.

#5 MF Doom (aka DOOM, Madvillain, King Geedorah, Viktor Vaughn, Danger Doom, Sniperlite, Metal Fingers, The SuperVillain)

One of the weirdest rappers in the game, MF Doom is part MC, part supervillain performance artist. Never appearing without his mask, Doom is known as much for his ever-changing stage names as he is for his bizarre rhymes. And what glorious rhymes they are, with short, punchy delivery sprinkled with antiquated and esoteric slang. Doom has some incredible flow backed by production that samples every thing from old cartoons to advertisements from the 1970s. He achieved mainstream success with his album Madvillainy, an album that combines an eclectic mix of samples from all eras of music with intricate lyrics that take several listens to fully understand. It's probably extremely pretentious to say that MF Doom is a pretty avant-garde rapper, but I can't think of any term that better fits the bill. He's experimental in the best sense of the word.





#4 Apathy

Most rappers adhere to certain rules; MCs that came up rapping about the hood and selling drugs tend to stick to the subject matter they know best. Consistency in subject matter is fine, so long as something fundamental changes about the music itself. Apathy subverts this rule entirely by being one of the most versatile rappers there is. One song has him talking about shoving a 12-gauge up your ass while the next one quietly contemplates the implications of humanist philosophy. With a smooth voice that's surprisingly authoritative, it's a shock that Apathy hasn't seen much recognition from the mainstream. Perhaps it's because he threatened to kill someone and keep their ears as souvenirs.





#3 Brother Ali

I normally hate political or socially conscious rappers mainly because self-righteous preachiness is, in my mind, one of the worst things that happened to rap. But Brother Ali manages to pull it off due to sheer force of swagger. Playing off the image of a "street preacher," evoking images of a dilapidated church where his big fat albino ass is sermonizing, Ali's incredibly clever and well-constructed rhymes convey a sobering sense of humility that many rappers conspicuously lack. With production from the incredibly talented Ant, the other half of Atmosphere, Ali deftly spits vicious rhymes about urban decay, government hypocrisy, and bad relationships, to name a few. But he balances his repertoire with a lot of songs about his upbringing, raising his son, and his massive cunt of an ex-wife. The diversity of his lyrics, stellar presentation, and surprising tenderness make him stand out amongst his self-important peers, like Immortal Technique. God, I hate that guy.





#2 Jay-Z

I find it's a little hard to say something original about Hova that hasn't already been said. Mainstream rap's biggest heavyweight isn't just a great and consistent writer, he's an unstoppable force, a gangster juggernaut whose rhymes cut to the bone. Few artists can start out rapping about the Mafia lifestyle, turn mainstream, and still be just as hard-hitting. Jay-Z manages to subvert the image of the "commercialized rapper" by absorbing and becoming the business itself. With a catalog of great anthems that practically defined early 00s rap, the strength of his music is probably most evident in his debut, Reasonable Doubt, a remarkably focused and literate album that, along with Raekwon's Only Built for Cuban Linx..., delved into the complexities of the mobster theme that would set the standard for years. Hard to believe that a hoodrat now runs the world of hip-hop.






#1 Ghostface Killah

An unconventional choice for the greatest living MC in the game, but everything about Ghostface Killah earns its keep. Much like Jay-Z, Ghostface started out rapping about the gangsta lifestyle, but while Jay-Z branched out and evolved lyrically, Ghostface did no such thing. With dense, cryptic crime narratives brimming with pulpy detail, Tony Starks' songs often never make sense the first time around, but are still addictive as hell due to his furious flow, perfect production, and all-around swagger. What Ghostface manages to accomplish over his peers on this list, hell, even his Wu-Tang mates is a surprising sense of creativity that most rappers lack. His album Supreme Clientele is grimy, but the overall record is tightly focused, with compelling takes on themes of robbing people and dealing cocaine. But he'll switch up his game on the next record with R&B inspired beats about girlfriends who're down to take bullets for him in gunfights or tripping on shrooms while in a bathtub. Ghostface's consistently deft wordplay and stream-of-consciousness style of narration creates whole worlds dripping with filth, but its construction is shockingly literate and well-realized. Personally, I think everything he's put out has been solid gold, and the upcoming release Apollo Kids is likely to be the same way.







Honorable Mentions: J. Cole, MURS, GZA, Blueprint, Trife Da God.

On liberal arts

The UC system has always been able to boast about the well-rounded education that it affords its students - nerds can feel free to shove electrodes up their dick while free-thinkers and pretentious hipsters like myself can read too much into things and still earn a diploma. When you pay upwards of 30 grand for a four-year experience, you better damn well be getting the most out of it. It’s important that everyone get some degree of education, whether it be going to clown college or dropping out of high school, having an educated populace is the last line of defense between the civilized and the Bible Belt.

When the budget is strained, most of the time universities scramble to cut the fat from their programs - getting rid of non-essential employees, slashing funding for programs to ribbons, and my favorite, downsizing liberal arts education while keeping everything else the way it is. Studies in the humanities during economic downturn face a significant wane in interest, as students turn to the practical majors that ensure job security after graduation. It makes sense, certainly, to want to be able to pay back the loans you take out for a pricey education, and the college degree is no longer the surefire ticket it was to a cushy lifestyle of champagne and hookers.

Even though my major is looked down upon as “worthless” in most circles compared to say, a biology major, liberal arts is still absolutely essential to having a well-rounded education. You can learn about the exact sexual organs of pigs all you want, but that information is purely technical. It doesn’t engage critical thinking. It doesn’t force reasonable discourse. These are crucial skills that take time to hone and perfect. If you’re dedicated enough, you can memorize a physics textbook, but that does nothing to further your ability to hold an intelligent conversation. Even if you can suck off a pig with the ferocity of a vacuum cleaner, if you don’t know how to think, your boss at Hog Suckers Inc will find you to be a faceless drone. So yes, liberal arts are mostly worthless except for the crucial skills that nobody thinks about. There certainly should be some reconciliation between the practicality of the sciences and the skills of the liberal arts, and steps have been taken at campuses elsewhere to bridge this gap. Tiny steps off of an impending precipice, but steps nonetheless.

Liberal arts education is slowly becoming a luxury. I’m no prophet, but I can see a day where universities become tailored towards the job market, creating a student body designed specifically to work, while the pockets of indulgence at Reed or Swarthmore graduate with their noses in the air, yet still unable to make anything of their 200,000 dollar diploma. But hey, at least they understand what Joyce was trying to do with Ulysses!

On environmentalism

Ever since Al Gore started ranting about climate change, stressing the need for green and alternative energies, the world over has been lit aflame by controversy as to whether or not the human species needs to change its fossil-fuel consuming ways or simply disregard the liberal media’s agenda for world domination. As the overwhelming amount of evidence has demonstrated, the centuries-long usage of fossil fuels by humans has resulted in rapid climate change - an increase in CO2 gasses that will lead to a rise in global temperature, something that would have catastrophic effects on ecosystems everywhere. At this point, the only people who contend the cause of global warming are fringe lunatics and the politicians that need their votes. Those morons are too easy of a target, so the purpose of this entry will instead target the people who’ve turned environmental awareness into another idiotic, hipster trend that undermines the credibility of people actually trying to reverse the damage of global warming.

What I find especially annoying about these new-age self-righteous hippies is the incredible guilt trip that they utilize like some sort of eco-weapon. If you don’t compost, you must not care about the earth. If you don’t drive a Prius, a vehicle ostensibly more durable than a piece of bread, you must hate the squirrels. If you don’t chain yourself to a tree in the Amazon forest, staring down the wrath of a thousand bulldozers, you’re some kind of Hummer-driving asshole. It seems with any worthy cause, you will always have some bandwagon group of suburban moms with too much money guilting you out of driving to the store, instead biking the ten mile distance. And I find that absurd.

Don’t get me wrong - being environmentally cautious and trying to be as green as possible is quite admirable, and I applaud anyone who does it because God knows I don’t. The problem is that it engenders a sense of self-righteousness and holier-than-thou attitudes that frankly do nothing to progress the cause, compelling only contempt and disgust from the people who actually want to make a difference. I’m sure Al Gore can utilize the legions of his rabid followers to march on Washington, but for now, they’ll only serve to annoy me with their elitist talk of farmers markets and sustainable dildo designs. Just like the protest generation of the 60s, the only thing that ruins a worthy cause is the people that follow the beliefs.

On introductions

While past attempts at making my previous blogs interesting have been as successful as winter invasions of Russia, I think the main problem was mostly because I was spewing vitriol about my own life, an existence more mundane and uninteresting than a Christian high school dance. My life, while certainly filled with funtastic adventures and exciting orgies, can mostly be explained down to a few choice words, possibly involving some saucy expletives. The core of my writing ability is mostly directed towards abstract thinking, analysis of concepts, and the ability to form ridiculous analogies, so rather than provide a running commentary on my life, I figure this blog would be better suited to contemplate life, society, and my favorite subject, stupid people. My comments can probably be misconstrued as racist, sexist, or misogynist, but my philosophy is that everyone should be involved in discourse, and the idea of “respecting one’s opinions” and “tolerance” weighs down the discussion with pointless niceties. Confronting the issue is the only way to resolve it, not that my bitter ranting is going to do a damn thing in resolving society’s ills.